Discontent.

One of the things I've slowly begun to realize over the last few months is that the way I think about life can change a lot in a short amount of time. While I currently still don't know for sure what I want to do with my life (because I'm too analytical to just stick with one thing), I think I have come to realize how little importance money is to me.

It has been a long process to get to that point.

Having been "on my own" since last January, I've know how little money I can actually live on. It blows my mind (shout out to Dave Ramsey). I used to be so ungrateful when my parents were still providing for me, but I've really gotten some perspective to see how blessed I really am.

Anyway, it is a challenge for me to constantly remind myself that I really don't want the big-time corporate job that pays six-figures all-the-while requiring you to work 80 hours a week. I did the same thing while I was an undergrad - I would default to thinking I should just go into insurance because the money is good. I am not sure why that is, except that I always got subtle messages that money was really important growing up. Sometimes the influence of others is hard to shake off.

Another thing that I tend to really struggle with is stuff. I love stuff. If left to my own, I would obsess about wanting a new TV, car, or whatever is the next cool thing - in every color. After moving several times in the last year or so, I feel like I've gotten rid of so much stuff, but I still loath the idea of moving out of my house because I don't want to have to deal with it all.

This is a uniquely American problem. I pulled out my spring clothes the other day and had forgotten just how many pairs of shorts I have. Ridiculous.

It makes me wonder how much money I would have saved myself if I had the state of mind when I got to Athens in 2004 that I have now.

I think I've written about this before, but it is frustrating that I never feel like I can just put on cruise control with my life. Looking back, the times I tried oftentimes ended with me making a series of bad decisions - and wondering how I got so far from my original intentions.

I want to live a life of discontent with the ordinary.

Discontent for cruise control.

I want to constantly allow the Lord to speak truth into my life so that I can become the man of God he wants me to be.